Facing difficult emotions to make great change
Ryan and Callie Bowles both lost a parent. They discovered that grief - while universal- isn’t universally supported. What they did next changed everything.
When my dad got very sick very quickly a few years ago now I felt a grief I hadn’t felt before. I have lost people I love, but this was different. The shock of how fast he deteriorated took a while to wear off. And when it did, somewhere between the confusion and sadness of managing the day-to-day of an unwell and aging parent I discovered a new kind of grief.
Firstly, he is one of the most important people in my life. Someone so integral to my sense of self he’s like another limb. He’s just part of me. When he was in hospital, when we almost lost him, it was confusing. How could someone that much a part of me cease to exist? And then there was a dawning realisation that this was the dusk of his life, and that night may not be far away. To an outsider looking in that might be stating the bleedingly obvious, but when it’s your dad, your mum … you just think that they will live forever.
At the time a good friend who had lost her mum said to me, “The strength of your grief mirrors how much you have loved.” Which illustrates to me the complexity of grief. It brings you to your knees but can also show you how lucky you have been to have had someone you loved so much in your life to begin with. It’s the echoes of loss, even when you haven’t fully grasped what it is that is gone. It’s as great as the sea and you can feel lost within it.
As co-founder of Good Grief HQ Ryan Bowles says, we don’t deal well with grief in the West. We don’t talk about it, we don’t have strategies of how to live with it, and we often - when we see it in others- turn away from it.
But Ryan and his wife Callie have turned towards it. After both losing a parent and grappling with that grief, plus the grief of miscarriage, they turned their skills and lived experience into a platform to support others going through loss.
Good Grief HQ is a faith-based website and podcast that supports women through grief. They have resources and a free podcast where they explore all the ways that loss can impact our lives.
I can’t imagine wading through other people’s sadness on a daily basis, but somehow they have managed to do that and in the process build a community of women who are growing through their grief.
Listen to Ryan Bowles on A Better World Blueprint on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Ryan’s Blueprint:
Some ideas from Ryan on how he lives his life of purpose
Who is the person who most inspires you?
“My dad. I often draw from his passion, attention to detail and care for his customers and people in general. As an immigrant and minority he forged his own path and left behind a powerful legacy that has grown men coming up to me in tears still - saying he was the best man they ever knew.”
Do you have a saying that helps guide you in life?
“Recently one that’s been in my world is ‘If I don’t quit, I can’t lose.’ But a life proverb for me is Proverbs 11:24 ‘It is possible to give away and become richer. It is also possible to hold on too tightly and lose everything. Yes, the liberal man shall be rich. By watering others he waters himself.’ “
Is there a book, movie or piece of art that has an impact on your life?
“I continue to be deeply moved by The Greatest Showman. It holds so many lessons and also inspiration on being a better man for my family and those around me. I cry whenever I watch it.
“As for a book, the Book of Job in the bible has been near to my heart ever since I lost my dad. Victor Hugo who was one of the most prolific authors. In the 1800s he said that everyone in their lifetime will find themselves in the Book of Job somewhere.”
What is your favourite thing in the world to do?
“What a loaded question! I love riding motorbikes and rock climbing but I love picking my daughter up and playing with her just as much these days.”
What is the best thing you ever did?
“Restraining myself from kissing my now wife in the rain on the first night we met, but instead asking her out for dinner.”
What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given?
“‘You can have everything you want in life, if you just help enough other people get what they want in life’ — Zig Ziglar.”
Listen to Ryan Bowles on A Better World Blueprint on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.